Introverts: You Don’t Need to Please Others Outside Your Comfort Zone

We’re always told to push ourselves out of our comfort zone – and if we don’t, we don’t grow to our potential. Well, yes, I do believe that too – but in some cases, I firmly believe that we can just stay in our comfort zone if that’s what makes us happy.

It’s time to stop feeling guilty.Introverts - Niagara River, Niagara Falls Ontario

Not All Introverts are the Same

Every introvert is different. It’s not black and white; it’s different shades of grays. There are introverts on the extreme end of introversion, and there are introverts on the lighter side of introversion.

There are a variety of qualities each individual introvert may or may not have. I can’t speak for every introvert out there. There is an endless amount of websites you can google to see what an introvert is, and what qualities introverts hold.Introverts Comfort Zone - Milliken District Park Pond with Geese

Stay in Your Zone

There are a few things I’ve learned over the years of being a people pleaser. These are just my personal thoughts and opinions – so long as I follow this, I am much happier.

  1. Never feel bad or guilty for being happy in your zone.
  2. Don’t stay friends people who will make you feel guilty (even if unintentionally), for saying no.Introverts Comfort Zone Duck in pond at Milliken District Park
  3. Say no all the time if you want, or pick your battles. I am a people pleaser, and I am okay with pleasing employers/coworkers – I am still within my comfort/happy zone while trying to please my employer/coworkers. I am not within my comfort/happy zone when I feel like I have to say yes to a social activity I don’t want to attend.
  4. Don’t make people understand the way you are. If you’ve tried, and they don’t understand, just live with it. If they make a big deal out of it, go back to #2.
  5. Make yourself a priority, not others.
  6. Don’t force yourself to be who you aren’t.
  7. Don’t force yourself to do what you don’t want to.
  8. Be honest, but be pleasant about it. If others still take it the wrong way, it’s not your fault.
  9. Don’t worry about social/society’s standards. If you want to live up to it, you can and you will. But if you’re happier living up to your own standard’s, even better.
  10. Just because you are able to appear like an extrovert, and can carry conversations easily, it doesn’t mean you have to.

They Just Don’t Understand

It’s hard to expect extroverts to understand. Heck, you, yourself probably didn’t understand until you learned what an introvert really is.

There are those who don’t understand but won’t question you, but they’ll be around. They have their own lives. But they’re still around. Same with those who understand.

Squirrels at RBG Arboretum, Burlington, Ontario

Then there are those who don’t understand and don’t think you’re being a good friend.

Under their standards, no, you are probably not being a good friend. Under their standards, you’re not there for them and that makes you a horrible friend.

But realize that their standards are different than yours. It doesn’t make it right or wrong. What’s wrong is that you feel obligated to live up to their standards, and you’re unhappy doing it.

Perhaps you have to lose a few friends because they won’t change and you won’t change. But that is life, and you will meet people along the way that will help you realize that you don’t need that drama in your life. I know I did.Introverts Comfort Zone Ducks in Algae Covered Pond at Milliken Mills High School, Markham, Ontario

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